#305: Politics & Religion (Friday, November 2)

In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing. - Autobiography of Mark Twain

It used to be one of the cardinal rules of etiquette: never discuss religion and politics. Nowadays, not so much. According to Anna Post, it can be acceptable to discuss these topics if you avoid certain pitfalls such as oversharing, and know the goal of the conversation.

My personal opinion? Don't go there. Since these types of discussions rarely ever sway the other party to your point of view, then what really is the point of having them? The more likely scenario is that someone will either get annoyed, angry or offended.

Sure you can always "agree to disagree," but what if you're stuck in a discussion with one of those people who won't let you? (I've actually been in a discussion where someone refused to "agree to disagree.") What then?

In the end, you will draw your own conclusions about your political and religious affiliations. But if you're still not convinced and you're up for a spirited debate, at least use these guidelines.

#304: Boo (Friday, October 26)

boo /bu, boʊ/  noun slang. significant other; boyfriend or girlfriend. Thought to be a corruption of the French word "beau"

Gotchya! You probably thought I was going to talk about Halloween, huh? Well, it just happens to be a wonderful, coincidental play on words.

Relationships are hard. You have to put in a lot of work to maintain them and keep your significant other happy. And sometimes people get so focused on their relationship that they forget some of the basic etiquette rules that go along with being part of a couple.

Here are my Four Irrefutable Etiquette Rules for Couples:

1. Social media doesn't define your relationship, you do. There's no rule that says one must update their Facebook relationship status when they enter a new relationship (marriage exception applies). But there is a rule that says if you're in a fight with your SO, it shouldn't play out on Facebook, which brings me to rule #2:
2. Handle your personal matters privately. Everyone doesn't need to (and shouldn't) know about your squabbles and disagreements. 
3. Don't assume that all invitations sent directly to you include your significant other. There's nothing more annoying than showing up to a Boys/Girls Night Out and one person has brought their significant other. Couples need time apart too...use your judgement.
4. Always introduce your significant other when you're out together and never introduce  him/her as your "friend." It kinda says they're not that significant.

#303: Elephant in the Room (Friday, October 19)

I got an etiquette question from someone who reads my blog:

"If you've made a faux pas, should you address it or just gloss over it and pretend it didn't happen? I made a stupid joke about something and found out later that the person I made the joke to is in the group I was joking about. It happened a few weeks ago, should I address it or just leave it alone?"

As someone who is well-known among her friends for always putting her foot in her mouth, my advice is to address it. It's an extraordinary quality and strength of character to be able to admit you've made a mistake and take the steps necessary to correct it. I've said many a foolish thing in my lifetime and it's always turned out better once I've acknowledged it and apologized.

Elephants are meant to roam free...keep 'em away from the rooms of your life. :)

#302: Unfiltered (Friday, October 12)

A few times, I've found myself in the elevator with the same woman. Most people smile politely then stare at the ceiling until they've reached their floor. Others don't say anything. A few will engage strangers in "elevator" conversation--the weather, sports, something on the news. This woman is in a class by herself. In the three rides I've taken with her:

• She's explained her bathroom-going habits (in the morning as soon as she gets into work, and the last thing she does before she leaves the office, in case you were wondering)
• I've been asked to check the back of her skirt to see if she had an accident
• And I know she sweats profusely, so she keeps an extra deodorant at her desk

Did I mention that I don't know this woman? So now, I approach each elevator ride with trepidation, pressing the 'Door Close' button furtively and praying she doesn't slip in before they do.

This woman is part of the population that has no etiquette filter. So it's challenging interacting with folks like this because they don't see right/wrong and appropriate/inappropriate in the same way most of us do. I used to think it was funny. "They're just different," I'd say. "It's good to be different."

But try introducing one of your unfiltered friends to your boss. Or sitting in a cubicle next to an unfiltered colleague. Or being stuck on a six-hour flight in the middle seat next to one. And then it's not so funny anymore.

#301: The Truth About Good Deeds (Friday, October 5)

You've heard the saying, "No good deed goes unpunished." It's probably the reason some people have opted out of the good-deed business altogether.

If you've done a good deed for someone whose response has been less than gracious, don't let that turn you into a good-deed sceptic. There are some fundamental truths about good deeds that may restore your faith in humanity:

1. Some people are just ungrateful. You've heard the story of the woman who donated  her kidney to her boss, only be fired shortly thereafter.
2. Most people who are the recipient of a good deed or random act of kindess pay it forward. No, I don't have statistics, but that's what decent human beings do.
3. Some people are just not aware when they've been done a good turn. How could this be, you ask? I don't know, but it happens.
4. Deeds done selflessly and without expectation of gratitude are the most rewarding. Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed. Besides, isn't the intrinsic joy of helping your fellow human being enough? :)

When was the last time you did a good deed for someone?