#265: When Plans Change (Friday, January 27)

I once read somewhere the Japanese believe that each moment happens only once. So they drink tea to celebrate the beauty and specialness of the moment. Think about that. Even if you read this again tomorrow, wearing the same clothes at the same time, it won't be the same moment as today.

So it's very important to capitalize on the moments you do have. But understandably, things change and the plans you make with others may not always come to fruition. Nevertheless, there is a thoughtful way to address a change of plans or a cancellation. Make these tips part of your everyday guide:

• If you need to change plans, proactively give the other party as much notice as possible; it is inconsiderate to change plans when the other party contacts you to confirm
• If you will be later than expected, offer the party the opportunity to reschedule for another day
• Acceptable reasons to change plans include: an emergency, illness, death or work (if keeping your job depends on it)
• Unacceptable reasons to change plans include: you don't feel like it*; you've received a better offer
• Try not to change plans more than once; you lose your credibility after the first couple of times
• Try to avoid changing plans for events that are difficult to reschedule (tickets to an event on a specific day) or required a lot of pre-planning (a trip abroad, events at someone's home)

*I'm also very superstitious, so I believe that if you get the feeling that you shouldn't go somewhere, go with your gut. BUT you should use that excuse only once every 10 years. LOL.

#264: Grace (Friday, January 20)

Grace: 1. Elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion or action; 2. A pleasing or attractive quality or endowment.

Every day we are confronted with situations where a celebrity shows an apparent lack of grace: Etta James' criticism of Beyonce; Kanye West's infamous outburst; and more recently, Madonna's comments on Lady Gaga and her speech at the Golden Globes. I'm sure you can think of instances in your immediate circle. But on the flip side, there have been celebrities who have shown grace in uncomfortable situations. Mark Wahlberg's swift and sincere apology to his recent faux pas comes to mind. I also think Beyonce handled the Etta James incident elegantly.

I think many of these situations occur because people don't understand what it means to be gracious. Here are a few tips:

• Be respectful. When you disrespect others, it is a reflection of you.
• Do not publicly belittle or speak ill of others. It is ok to have an opinion, but being tactful and tasteful is essential. You can be honest without being mean.
• Be humble. Pride and conceit are not bedfellows of grace.
• Be sincere. Do not put on airs or be fake.
• Acknowledge your mistakes. Everyone makes them, it's all in the recovery.

Your assignment: Think of one person in your life that embodies grace and strive to emulate the qualities that you think makes them so.

#263: Peanut Butter (Friday, January 13)

"Howdy an tenk yuh nuh bruk square." -Jamaican proverb

(To say hello and thank you doesn't require much effort.)

Over the holidays, I was looking for a soup kitchen or a food pantry to volunteer at on Christmas day. Unbelievably, most of the places I checked didn't have any volunteer opportunities; some had more volunteers than they could use. One of the pantries I called, the director said, "We don't need any volunteers, but we could use some peanut butter."

I thought it was an odd request then I did some research and found out that for many food pantries, peanut butter is an essential item. It's a great source of protein for children, doesn't spoil and can feed many people cheaply. But there's a peanut butter shortage, so many pantries can no longer afford to stock this item.

I think a "thank you" is a lot like peanut butter--essential to every day life, but can oftentimes be very scarce. Sometimes we think it, but forget to articulate it; we take it for granted that the intended recipient knows that we're thankful. Other times, it's not even a consideration. But nothing is too small to deserve a thank you, and it's never too late to give one. 

A thank you is thoughtful way to acknowledge a kindness. Whether you say it in person, call or send a note, just remember it in your every day life.

#262: Empathy & Thoughtfulness (Friday, January 6)

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead



It's a new year, another 365 days to make a difference. And as the year changes, so does our theme. We are leaving 2011's money management theme behind and in 2012 we will focus on being more empathetic and thoughtful, specifically as it relates to etiquette.


I think etiquette is less about being "PC" (politically correct) and more about being "ET" (empathetic and thoughtful). Most people won't care if you use the "correct" fork at dinner, but they will care if you are an inconsiderate, obnoxious dinner guest. 


Think about how many wars, fights, accidents, misunderstandings, lost friendships, divorces and other such scenarios could have been avoided if people stopped to think about the effect of their actions on another person.


As we go through this year, I'll provide etiquette tips for every day life. But as you go through each day, constantly ask yourself one question: "Am I being ET?"