I have been to less than 10 funerals in my entire life, and only one that I can remember as a child. It's ironic, considering that I grew up a stone's throw away from a cemetary. But I've always been uncomfortable with the topic, mostly because I don't know what to say to someone who has just lost a loved one. I just feel like any sentiment, no matter how heartfelt, always seems inadequate.
But alas, dying is a part of life so when these situations arise, it's better to know how to address them thoughtfully and with care. Here are some tips:
- Send your condolences IN THE MAIL. Texts and emails are not appropriate. To be especially thoughtful, you can include a sentence that "an acknowledgement is not required" since he or she may have a lot of handwritten thank you notes to send. Conversely, if you are the mourner, always acknowledge condolences and expressions of kindness even if it takes some time to do so.
- Phone calls are also appropriate, but understand that the person may be overwhelmed with calls (especially if they are responsible for the funeral arrangements).
- Everyone grieves differently. Some people may want to have lots of people around, others prefer to grieve privately. Respect the mourner's wishes.
- The family will notify the public of the death and will also let you know whether you can share that information. You should wait for that announcement.
- The months after the funeral are the hardest. Check in periodically and offer your support, even if it's just a 'thinking of you" email.
Here are some other etiquette tips from Emily Post: http://www.emilypost.com/home-and-family-life/loss-grieving-and-condolences
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