#299: Why Can't We Be Friends? (Friday, September 21)

I got an odd email from a friend this week. She wanted to know if it was ok to contact another friend of mine to go to an event (they live in the same neighborhood). I thought it was odd since I was the one who introduced them and was there when they exchanged contact information which is usually the precursor to getting together.

I understand that my friend was being polite and respectful by checking with me, but at the same time, I don't think that is a scenario that requires my permission. I took to the internet to see if I could find some expert opinions on this topic and was surprised that many of the articles used the term "friend poaching" and "friend theft" to describe all situations where someone befriends a friend's friend--even in those (like mine) where they were introduced by a mutual friend and established a connection. One blog writer even drew up her own bylaws on the topic.

Here's my take:

• Befriending someone you've never met or interracted with (i.e. trolling your friends' friend list on Facebook) is inappropriate...and a llittle creepy.
• If you are interested in meeting someone you don't know, but you have friends in common, ask for an introduction.
• Once you have been introduced, you do not need to ask your mutual friend for permission to interact socially, but if you're interested in a romantic relationship, then it's considered polite and respectful to discuss it with your mutual friend before pursuing it.
• If you have introduced two mutual friends and they have established a connection, you cannot control the development of a subsequent friendship (nor should you be held responsible if they end up squabbling).

 Now go out there and make some friends!