#271: What's In A Name? (Friday, March 9)

My name has four variations and generally my environment determines which name I use. I used to only go by Deborah in formal or professional situations, but someone at work arbitrarily shortened my name to Deb and started referring to me as such in meetings so it became easier to just answer than correct everyone. Mine is a common story; I have two foreign-born friends who, until recently, spent their entire professional careers being called by the wrong name, even introducing themselves incorrectly.

Believe it or not, there is an etiquette to names. Plus it's thoughtful to make sure you're addressing someone by the name they prefer. Here are some guidelines:

• Pay attention to how someone introduces themselves; use the name they provide in an introduction.
• Do not arbitrarily shorten someone's name without their permission.
• If someone has a name with variations (Robert, William, David, Jennifer, Catherine, etc.) always ask how they prefer to be addressed.
• If your close friends have nicknames, ask them how they want to be introduced to people outside of your circle. Never introduce someone by a nickname unless they indicate it's ok to do so.
• It is impolite to ask someone the ethnic origin of their name in a first meeting.
• It is also impolite to share your opinion on the name(s) expectant parents choose for their prospective child(ren) unless you are asked. For example, don't say: My ex-girlfriend's name was Susan and she was a jerk.
• It is flattering to remember someone's name, but understandably some people aren't good with names. Do mental word associations (or ask someone for the spelling of their name) to help you commit it to memory. For example, if someone says their name is Steve, you can associate it with Steve Jobs.