"Secrets are lies."
I've that saying often, but I don't agree. A secret isn't always deceptive; it can just be sensitive information that one prefers to share selectively. Is there an etiquette to sharing and keeping secrets? Everyone I asked seemed to have a different perspective on the subject. I actually had some great discussions, so I'm sharing the best questions and giving my perspective.
- Do I have to specifically state that the information I'm sharing is a secret or should it be understood from the content? Specifically state it. Say it often while you divulge your secret. And I don't think it's going too far to make 'em swear not to to repeat it.
- Do I have to keep a secret forever, or does it have an expiration date? It depends. If you snuck out of the house at 14 to go to a concert and swore your best friend to secrecy I think it's pretty safe to say that secret expired when you became an adult.
- If I'm no longer friends with someone, do I still have to keep their secret? You don't have to, but it's the right thing to do. Friends or not, the information they shared with you is still private. Besides, what is the purpose of divulging that information?
- Is it assumed that a secret shared with a friend is also shared with their spouse? Yes. It may not be right, but it happens. The foolproof way to avoid this? Don't share information with your married friends that you don't feel comfortable sharing with their spouse.
- If a friend shares a secret that doesn't affect me but affects people I know should I tell? It depends on many things: your role, whether lives are at stake, etc. Some jobs (therapist, officer of the court) obligate you to share a secret if lives are in jeopardy.
Don't share information that's not yours to share. Be careful who you trust with your secrets. Recognize that some secrets cannot be kept if they pose a threat/harm to others. At the end of the day, if someone shares a secret with you, it's because they trust you. Is it worth losing their trust?
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