#281: The "Rules" of Friendship (Friday, May 18)

When I was doing research for this blog entry, I came across a response to a blog entitled, The Etiquette of Friendship, in which the commenter said:

Here is a general rule of thumb in regards to friendship ettiquette..."Try not to be a complete and utter ass". Rule 2. "If you have acted like a compete and utter ass, apologize and don't do it again". Rule 3 "If your friend keeps acting like a complete and utter ass, even after apologizing it, re-examine the friendship" Pretty simple huh?

While I agree that there aren't necessarily formalized rules of friendship, there are still some basic etiquette rules that should be observed in a friendship. And because our friends are our most casual, at-will relationships, they are generally most susceptible to be taken for granted. We get comfortable, we tend to bend the rules and forget that the considerations that we apply to the rest of the world should also be afforded to our friendships. Here are my three basic rules of friendship:

1. Friendship should be a safe space. Yes, we all have different categories of friends who we call for various reasons, but if you call someone a friend, you should feel comfortable being yourself around him/her.
2. It should be based on mutual respect. It's hard to maintain a friendship with someone you don't respect or vice versa. This includes respect for your friends' time by not being consistently late or canceling plans at the last minute, as well as respecting who they are, even if it's not who you want them to be.
3. Friendship should be balanced. You can't expect your friends to do for you what you are unwilling to do for them. This applies to everything from being open and vulnerable with your issues to being supportive and encouraging in difficult times.

Don't take you r friends for granted! The same etiquette rules you employ with the rest of the world also work with your friends. They may not need it, but it's always nice to do it anyway.