#309: A One-Sided Relationship (Friday, November 30)

With so many ways to stay in touch, how is it that sometimes we can go months without talking to the people closest to us? Time has a way of slipping away without you realizing it.

But what happens when you're either always receiving communications from a loved one and you never seem to be able to respond fast enough, or you're the one always reaching out and receiving no response. It can become a frustrating situation, especially for the person who's being proactive.

And you never want to be that person who only calls someone when they need a favor.

So what to do when you have so many friends and so little time? Here are some ways to stay in contact with those closest to you:

• Start a regular newsletter. Good Friday is my weekly touch base with the people I care about.
• Go through your address book. Choose 5 people from your phone's address book every day and send them a text, an email or give a quick call based on how you interact with them. Do this on a monthly basis and you'll touch everyone in your circle.
• Create a formal Contact Management Database. If you're more into process, Access or Excel can help you keep track of your contacts, including important dates, when you last spoke to them and any other information. 

Don't lose your relationships to one-sided communications.

#308: Chivalry Isn't Dead, It's Just Resting (Friday, November 23)

Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else. -Anonymous

There's something to be said for a gentleman. No, he doesn't have to throw his cloak over puddles nor challenge an ungallant man to duel to defend your honor (though it would be nice!), but his daily deeds will speak volumes about how he perceives you.

I must admit that I've pretty much been complicit in the chivalry I've received. No one ever told me what to expect or require from a potential suitor or a male friend, other than that he be a good, kind soul who is a hard worker and who is ambitious, so that's where I drew my line in the sand. Yes, those are the most important things, but the niceties of being treated like a lady shouldn't be dismissed.

So it was a dear friend who taught me that a gentleman stands when a woman enters or leaves a room or a table (after my puzzled, "are you mocking me?"). That he waits for her to begin eating to start eating himself. And it was someone I dated that taught me that a gentleman walks on the outside of the woman; that he opens the car door for and helps her into her coat.

I didn't know any of these things, and while some of them may arguably be "outdated" or old-fashioned, methinks gentlemanly behavior never goes out of style. Thankfully, these days there are many resources available to help young women set their standards and young men to learn how to rise to the occasion. Here are a few great ones:

• 10 Rules of Chivalry Every Guy Should Know--But Doesn't
• Etiquette of A Gentleman

By the way, women can be chivalrous too. Here are some ways to show your feminine chivalry:

• Helping him into his coat once he's helped you into yours
• Ordering his favorite drink while you wait for him at the bar
• Taking the seat with your back to the door (since most men like to sit facing the entrance)
• Learning to do men-grooming things (like tying a tie; folding a pocket square; shaving preparation, etc.)
• Learning to make his favorite meal, even when you're vegetarian

At the end of the day, it's about respect and consideration.

#307: Fix Your Face (Friday, November 16)

Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk!
Winston Churchill: Madam, you are ugly. In the morning I shall be sober.

Few things make a person uglier than a frown or a dour face. While there's no etiquette rule that says you have to walk around with a smile on your face, there are plenty of reasons why it could make your life a lot simpler.

I recently went into a restaurant where the woman serving was obviously having a bad day. It was written all over her face. The customer in front of me was asking a lot of questions, and even though the server answered them ok, her face told a different story. The customer ended up leaving and I'm sure it'll be a while before she returns...if ever. The server kept insisting that she'd done nothing wrong; until the man behind me ended all further conversation. "You need to fix your face," he said. "You may not have been rude in tone, but your expression speaks just as loudly."

So, as you move through the world, remember that sometimes it's not what you say nor how you say it, it's how your face says it. Lol.

#306: Six Degrees (or Less!) (Friday, November 9)

These days, our six degrees of separation has shrunk to two or three. It's not uncommon for me to visit my LinkedIn or Facebook page to find that my potential connections have increased by the addition of one new contact.

So it goes without saying that you should beware of what you say (and to whom) to avoid an embarassing situation, or worse, fracturing a relationship that you may need down the line. Years ago, I went to a party with a girlfriend and saw a guy I'd briefly dated. I pointed him out to my girlfriend and was just about to tell her to avoid him at all costs because he was a jerk, only to be interrupted with, "Oh, I know _____! He's my cousin." That would've been awkward. Lol.

Recently, I had two people initiate conversations about a third party where the person initiating the conversation didn't know that I knew the third party. Thankfully, in one instance the conversation was very complimentary. The other? Not so much. Of course, I said nothing, but I made a mental note.

So how do you navigate the Shrinking Six Degrees of Separation?

• Know your Circle of Trust--the people you can vent to or share "unpolished" comments without fear of it being repeated
• Never share unflattering comments via email or text. It's very easy for written communications to get into the wrong hands.
• Don't make unflattering statements about others (outside your Circle of Trust) that you wouldn't feel comfortable saying to them in person.

#305: Politics & Religion (Friday, November 2)

In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing. - Autobiography of Mark Twain

It used to be one of the cardinal rules of etiquette: never discuss religion and politics. Nowadays, not so much. According to Anna Post, it can be acceptable to discuss these topics if you avoid certain pitfalls such as oversharing, and know the goal of the conversation.

My personal opinion? Don't go there. Since these types of discussions rarely ever sway the other party to your point of view, then what really is the point of having them? The more likely scenario is that someone will either get annoyed, angry or offended.

Sure you can always "agree to disagree," but what if you're stuck in a discussion with one of those people who won't let you? (I've actually been in a discussion where someone refused to "agree to disagree.") What then?

In the end, you will draw your own conclusions about your political and religious affiliations. But if you're still not convinced and you're up for a spirited debate, at least use these guidelines.